Suddenly I'm FREE!

Well Tucson has not been nearly as fun as I had hoped...

The show was painfully slow making the boss painfully irritable.

Wednesday, I got violently ill from dust on beads I had been stringing for sale... had an asthma attack, got sick as a result of coughing too much and too hard.

Thursday morning, I felt like I had been run over by a truck, and the boss was as uncaring about the whole thing as he possibly could be. A little unfair, since I got sick because of something at his booth. I told him I almost called him to see if I could not come in today. He informed me that he didn't hire people who called in sick. I told him I didn't think people planned to be sick....

The result was him being picky over a phone number not being written on a check, but was on a biz card collected from the customer. He harped on it until I was sick, sick, sick of hearing it. The initial response from me was I'm sorry. I made the mistake and I had owned up to it, so why would anyone want to rub your nose in it so much it made you quit?

I have no clue but after asking him to please drop it, I was informed that it was his booth and I either could like it or lump it... basically a threat to fire me.

Result was a panic attack that I didn't need feeling as bad as I did and I did some math... The pay was in my favor by $15 dollars, so I gave him one more chance by telling him I didn't appreciate being threatened and he had the same basic response - that it was his business and I could basically like it or lump it. I told him I was in the green with him and that I didn't even want it and I quit. I told him I wished him the best and walked away with my head held high.

This was not the first time he had threatened me and this week he had been unfair a couple times and on the first time, I made a mental note that it was going to be a case of three strikes and you are out. I deserve better than that. EVERYONE does. I worked in a job years ago where I got the panic attacks from a boss that was just awful. So after one strike on Tuesday, one Wednesday, today was the straw that broke the camel's back after being so sick yesterday and the boss was as uncaring about it as possible. His product nearly put me in the emergency room and he really didn't care. But then he doesn't seem to care about anyone but himself anyway, so I'm not surprised. The two that run the biz deserve each other. Both so miserable in their own lives that they share the misery with all who are near them.

I found another place to work for a day or two, so it's not an entire loss. I feel free.

I worked for this company and I learned lots and got lots of cool beads over the years. I even got sent to Hawaii to work a show. It is not all bad but I'm guessing stress from the economy sucking and the market flooded with way too many shows, is taxing all the dealers. More is not always better. Maybe that is the cause of all of this.

I know the song is "suddenly I see" but in my head tonight, it's "suddenly I'm free". I feel like a huge weight was lifted off my back. I am working for a completely stress free company for whatever days she will have me. It's a fun crew and I am looking forward to working tomorrow way more than I was this morning.

Day 2 Tucson

Sorry I didn't post yesterday - I was pooped.

I got beadz!!!! And I had such a nice couple days!!!! We skipped the Beadwork party tonight as we were both wanting to get home and relax.

I am going to take pics and will try to post them soon.

I have been having fun with customers - helping them pick beads out, beating the customer service happening at our other booth *VBG*

Off to bed and on to more beads!!

Tucson or Bust!!!

Well, Greyhound to Oakland... Bart to Fremont.... Brother's house for the nite and out from San Jose this morning stopped in LA for 20 min to off load and reload passengers and I'm FINALLY in Tucson!!! Well I did leave out the part about almost not making it out of Redding due to snow in the mountains to the north.

Southwest Airlines still sucks. I thought that years back when I volunteered to stay longer eons ago. They charged my credit card for it and my luggage went to LA without me and didn't get back to me for 48 hours. Today I experienced the worst landing I have ever rode out... even the flight attendant commented a dig at the pilot about it. I was not advised about the LA stop over - I paid for a non-stop flight.... It was not non-stop.

But I'm here!!!! BRING ON DA BEADS!!!!

Work a bead show.... come home with money AND beads! :-D

Life Resolution

Unlike a New Years Resolution, this one is for the rest of my life! I'm going to try my hardest to stop playing the social game.

You know the people - friends who keep track of who initiated the last contact. Friends who sit near the phone or the instant messaging buddy list and never initiate contact because they initiated contact the last 365 out of 700 times and that means that if you like them - you will know this and initiate contact with them. It's a game and I hate petty games - this one worst of all. If you call and I'm home, usually I'm thrilled to talk. If I'm online and you message me, I'm happy to chat. But to keep track of who did what last or more often and use that as a gauge to who is the better friend? Not for me. Just because I didn't initiate it, doesn't mean I don't want the communication. I might not be in the mood to initiate it but the contact itself might improve my mood.

And no - if you are reading this, I'm most likely not talking about you. It would be people who don't read my blog, and I'm just venting :-)

Have a great day!!!

Tucson Bound!

In less than 5 days, I will be on my way to Tucson for the anual Gem shows!

I will be working at the Bead Ren show with San Francisco Arts & Crafts, so if you are there - please come by and say hi!

I have been working furiously on beadwork to wear at the show... better late than never! I do well with deadlines, so it makes sense that the airline ticket in my name sparked my creative side.

So Tucson in 5 days and counting!

Talents that are not shared are not talents

"Talents that are not shared are not talents."

Got that in a fortune cookie at lunch today, and boy is there much said in that small statement. What immediately comes to mind for me are the designers out there that think they have complete control over their designs once they make directions or patterns and put them out there for sale or in classes. They let you take their over priced class and then tell you that you can only make one or that you can make 3 but you can't sell them. They think of ways to stop you from sharing directions in many ways from plastering each page with copyright info to having you jump through hoops just to get the dumb thing making them inaccessible to many people.

Also, I asked the copyright office and they sid that you can rightfully sell anything you own as long as it is not trademarked. But in truth, even things that are trademarked - made legally, can be sold second hand, so in reality, you can sell anything you own out right.

I'm tickled pink to think that anything I have designed could be sellable.

I love to think that they will sell them and spend more money on beads and patterns, preferably mine! LOL

So I'm sticking with the fortune of the day. The only real talents are those that are shared with others!

This Week Was...

I'm going to try to write here at least once a week. This week was quiet but nice. I ordered beads. I finished my earrings and have been wearing them all over town. This weekend is the gem show. It's interesting how my opinion of this particular show has changed since I first attended 4 years ago. I thought it small and very pompously dismissed it. As the time passed, it is the only bead type show we get here. And though I get to at least 3 real bead shows a year, it's different when it's close and you get to go from home and not working at a booth does change the dynamic.

Now I go to see the people and pets that are there. I take Smokey and it's a very positive social outing for him. He gets to see other dogs which is good for him. I get to see other bead and jewelry addicts. Sometimes I see friends that I have not seen sometimes since the last show.

I have a huge re-organize planned for my beads and I just hope the schedule goes as planned. I'm not gonna tempt fate by crossing my fingers or toes.

I have been doing things that help me heal as a human being. I went into a bead shop who's owner owes me for a class of mine that she took. I had not walked into that shop for 3 years and it was good to go in and look around. I felt a huge weight lifted off of me after that. It was a very good thing. I have not been overly productive in my beading this week but I have been doing things that are bead related.

I hope the next week is very beady productive. I have 3 pair of earrings on the to do list. 2 necklaces and then the spiral swap pieces.

What a Beadiful day I had yesterday!!!

And it was very beady!

A friend told me that there was a trunk show in Sacramento - 2 1/2 hours drive from where we live. She said she would drive if I would go with her!

So of course I said I would love to go with her! LOL

What a day we had! I already knew a cool bead shop in Sacramento - U BEAD IT - Yvonne Rivero's shop - she is the author with the bracelet books and one ornament book. I took the 2 bracelet books I already have and bought the 3rd one. Next time I will get the ornament one! LOL

She has the most awesome bead store!!! The nicest employees and a selection of beads that knocks you over when you go in and see them all!

I have been wanting to make this cool knock off pair of earrings. I saw a pair another person designed and I liked them but she used delicas and her fringes were even and I wanted mine tapered - so I got the needed materials and I made one myself!

here is the pic.

http://members.aol.com/pjwelborn/CordDangleEarsAlaPamy.jpg

I finished it in the car on the way to the bead show!
All I have to do is make the match and I can start wearing them! LOL

We hit Sacramento in the morning and I knew a cool bread place - so we had muffins and coffee.

We headed to the bead shop because it opened at 10 and the show didn't open till 12. We filled our trays there and decided to have them hold it all so we could get whatever the show didn't have for us after the show and add it to our orders - I buy wholesale and they have a minimum amount to get the discount - so I didn't want to have to make it 2 times in one day!

So we left there and headed to the truck show. Tables and tables of stone beads!!!! Pearls!!!! baggies of Swarovski!!! Chinese Crystal! baggies of Findings!!!! It was a huge display.

Then back to the bead shop where we filled in where the bead show left off!

Dinner at Cheesecake Factory and back home!

I was so tired I nearly don't remember anything I did after I got home. Head on pillow and had lots of beady dreams!

May all your beady dreams come true!

Pamy

Rumpelstiltskin ants

I have a fantasy I would like to share...



not that kind of fantasy!



a Beady one...



It started when the annual finder ants started coming in to look for goodness knows what!

They come in - one ant at a time or 3 ants at a time but seldom do they even get near food, they are in the bedroom and the bathroom and the closet... So in my little fantasy, these ants come in and do nothing, so I want to give them something to do. So in the spirit of the fairy tale Rumpelstiltskin, I would leave out all the beads and supplies for a project, the directions and all and in the morning the piece would be beaded up magically by these Rumpelstiltskin ants!

I know... It's a pipe dream but it's my pipe dream!

lol

and I thought you might get a giggle out of it too.

Keep your Friends Close...

And your Enemies Closer.

And that has been my policy for some time but this new outlook I have makes it even easier to do.

Makes them wonder what you have been up to when you walk through a parking lot whistling...

Makes them wonder what you know when they see you with the slight grin on your face...

So that is my theory for today

Keep them guessing!

And I keep my bucket empty.

I'm just here for the beads

I'm just here for the beads

I don't want the complications of all the politics

I am not here to win a popularity contest

If you don't like me - fine

If you do like me - GREAT

But I'm still just here for the beads

Calm Month of May

That is all I want - a calm month. I want to fill it with beading and creativity. I'm going to get caught up on the beading I need to get done. I'm going to get the designing I have in my head out of my head. I am reading a book about the Power of Nice and I think all people who enter the business world should read this book before they open up a business.

Nice gets you more the books says and it's right. Were we all not told as children "if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all"? Didn't Thumper's mom tell him that in the beginning of Bambi? Didn't most of us see that movie as children? or as Adults? Why can't we all just be pleasant and get along?

Which would you rather deal with? Someone who is working very hard trying to explain away their faults? Or someone who says - Gee, I'm sorry I did that and I will try to do better in the future. I have come to realize that it's much simpler to just own up than it is to find excuses to explain bad behavior. If you can't find anything else to do than talk about other people, then you really need to examine your own life and find what is missing from it.

I always tell my students that I bead for HAPPY. I set my beads up a certain way when I bead. I use certain threads and certain needles. I use certain beads. I don't wax my thread. All these things make beading happy for me. It does not mean that everyone needs to bead the way I do. It means that we can all do different things to get to the same type of outcome. I learned from a my way or the highway teacher. You did it her way or you got ignored. I so work hard not to be that way when I teach classes. In fact I'm often fascinated when other beaders can bead from mixed beads! Jealous even. I'm also fascinated when I see beaders use different things than I do. I learn things by observing the ways other beaders get to the end result.

We all share a love of beads. Why the heck can't we all just get along and share the creativity with the rest of the world?

The cattiness and negativity just suck the creativity out of all of us.

It's time to move forward and in a postive direction.

Busy Busy Busy

As it seems to happen in recent years, the first part of my year this year is VERY busy. I worked Tucson, went to Nebraska and now just finished bead show in Oakland and had a blast!

The trip to Nebraska was an absolute BLAST! I had a better time than I could have ever imagined. The whole thing was just one fun thing after the next. Made the little work setting up and breaking down so easy to put in the back and only think about the fun parts.

What a difference the Oakland show was. It was HUGE! Lots of networking! Lots of appreciating the beautiful work I saw all over the place. Lots of beaders to talk to!

I met several people in the last 4 months that I have known or known of on the net for a long time. Most of them have been so nice to meet. Some are nicer in person than they are to me on the net and some are the opposite. One, I'm quite certain didn't know who I was. Must be the red hair! LOL Oh well. I have accepted that I can't like everyone and I can't expect to be liked by everyone.

Family can be so overrated... and I think I'm going to take a break from some of the family obligations I have taken on in the last couple years. It's time for someone else's shoulders to be carrying this load for a while. The expectations are not expressed in a polite manner and I don't wanna be the kicking post anymore. I have lots of work to get done on my patterns, so I'm going to spend lots of time getting that all moving forward for me.

One Step Closer...

Wow…

It's so surprising that a laptop computer could represent so much to me…

But it does!

I won a Mac laptop – for cheap on Ebay – and now I can design my bead patterns more comfortably. It’s like the birds are singing – the flowers are blooming… wait! They are! We are experiencing a false spring. It's nice but I know it won’t last.

The happy feeling will last though J I hope. 9 days and I will be away and even happier for 2 whole weeks. In a place where calm is the way it happens. I hope I can acclimate faster this year. I want to get the most out of the trip.

Out of the funk

When you admit that someone did something that popped you into a bad place for 3 weeks, are you giving him or her power? Or are you taking the power back? I think it's the latter. I got into the funk by doing something helpful for a friend and it turned out not to have been so helpful but the way I was made aware of it was in a manner that shows extreme bad behavior and was meant to humiliate me and beat me down. All that needed to be said was – you didn't do the work I thought you would do, so we won't be having you do it anymore. It’s simple and anyone who knows how to deal with people would know that. The dressing down was done in front of others in a further attempt to humiliate me but only ended up making this person look just awful. It was also asked of me that I was a still friend… How can you stay friends with a person you no longer trust? I of course in order to have the talking stop, gave an affirmative answer. So I pretty much think that any friendship left with this person to be a lie, whether he or she knows it or not.

On a happier note, I have had the nicest weekend and now am trudging out of the funk to start creating again. I am stealing the happiness I got this weekend to make other parts of my life happier. I am sure the person responsible for the happiness would approve. Of course he would because he loves me. I am gathering other happinesses from contacts with other people who do what I do. Other people, who love beads and happen to make some money back from that love. I have come to realize that the way I do "it" is not the same for everyone. I love beading and my creativity comes from inside me. I dream things that end up becoming reality in beads. If tomorrow everyone stopped buying patterns and kits, I would still bead. I bead because I love it and that I can sell things to make some money back is a good thing. It does not mean that everything I make is something I want to see mass produced by the beading public at large. There are pieces of mine that I wear on a regular basis and I will not part with them even for short periods of time. I recently decided to retire a couple kits and I can't wait to get those samples back because I really miss them. I miss wearing them. I miss being able to hold them and look at them. It's all a joke really – I couldn’t have created things that anyone else would want… could I? Well I apparently do but it’s still all a miracle to me every time I complete something like that. That I am friendly with people who are far more creative than I am at times helps the whole picture happen. If I’m down or confused, I have a small list of people that can help me get on track again. Even give me a swift kick in the butt when needed.

So fake friends or friends who loose it and make me the target, I don't need but I have real friends in my life and they are more than enough for me!

Tucson '07

Well Tucson 07 was a BLAST!
I got to see my sweetie when I got there and it made the awful 2nd day bearable.
I got to see people I haven't seen in ages!
I met a few people I had known on line for eons and we liked each other in person too!
I worked the bead show and loved the people I met!
I got to stay with a friend, so I could completely unwind after the show each day.
I was enslaved to a kitty who isn't generally friendly to strangers!
I got to see lots of lovely beadwork walking passed me each day!
This trip was a total success!!!
Its going to be a VERY beady year!!!

Turning 40...

I turned 40 last month and the beads turned on me! All of the sudden they are not as clear in my glasses as they have always been!!! What's up with that???? Now I have a cute pair of 1/2 glasses to make the beads clearer for me. I had always been told that it would happen at 40 but did it have to be so automatically?

I have lots of beady things on my horizon. I'm going to Tucson to work at the bead shows!!! YAY!!! If you are there this year - pop into the Bead Ren show - I will be at the San Francisco Arts & Crafts booth, surrounded by lots of Czech glass beads!

I also hope to go to Nebraska in the spring. If I get there, it will be my 3rd time and I just can't wait!

Turning 40 has other effect on me too. It seems like people listen to me a little better now. Though I have chosen not to have children, turning 40 sort of cements that decision for me. I do like to borrow them though.

Gotta go play with the beads now... :-)

Getting better

I can't believe it's been so long since I have been here.

Life had been so filled with ups and downs that I just don’t know where I am at right now. First tonsil surgery and it's many complications one that is still here where I cannot always pronounce all my words correctly and I'm starting to be self conscious about it. And now I have put a pinpoint on the headaches I am having. My creativity has been effected by the stuff happening medically and I'm trying to get out of this hole. Getting better has so many facets to it's definition.

I did get a really cool Japanese bead book and have visions of crystals dancing in my head because of that, so there is hope.

I hosted my first swap in many years and I feel it was very successful, so much so that I'm hosting another one! So I have 10 pair of earrings to make myself for the swap. I need to order kit beads when I get home, so I am looking forward to that. Beady things are looking up.I was a little down when I last wrote here but those things have been picking up there too. I patched up a few bad relationships in my life and feel richer for it.

I did design a cool new netted earring, so I have that to look forward too.

Life is just too short:

To sweat the whiners

To placate the people who want their butts wiped for them

To miss enjoying the simple things

To allow the insignificant things to get me down

To baby the babies

To stress over a speck of dust

To stress over a hair out of place

Enjoy the simple things - a lingering look from the man you love - the smile of a child - the sun on your face - a slow, passionate kiss - holding hands - playing your favorite song one more time

Take the time because you never know what tomorrow will bring

Vive la difference!

I think I have the total trigger to my hurt feelings.

It's when my unique qualities are not only not embraced but shunned. It's when the things I do uniquely at looked upon as the trash in the receptacle.

I have never been shy that I do some things in my beading in my own way. I try not to push my way on people. I might show them what I do, explain my I like it that way but I don't ever expect them to change their own ways.

And I am faced at this time with a dislike for the way I do things and I simply am not equipped to handle it. I embrace differences whenever I can in others.

Even when they are foreign to me, I embrace the fact, that while sharing the same love of beads, many of us have things we do to get to a similar end that is extremely different. I find it fascinating! I try to learn from it instead of digging my heels in.

I could sit with a beader who mixes all the beads in a pile on their pallet and have my neat triangle trays out and bead just fine. I couldn't trade places and bead just fine from her pallet and maybe she could not bead from mine. As long as neither of us forces the other to do that, we should be peachy. Not that I would generally even pay much attention to the way they set theirs up, but neither way is wrong, just different. I use wax to assist me in threading the needle some of the time, seldom coating the entire thread with wax, as I don't care for the feel of the thread coated. I am a tactile beader - it's all about the feel for me. Another beader can coat their thread with wax and be just thrilled with the feel of the thread. We wouldn't want to trade places but we could sit and bead just fine with our own preferred wax usage. I have needle and thread preferences. So? I feel like I'm under a microscope and I don't understand why it is like that now.

I think what has me upset is the feeling that what I do that is different is looked upon as wrong. It might be wrong for one person but it's a bunch of right with me. It brings me back to when I created my first beaded ornament and the beading mentor I had at the time looked at it as I showed it off to her with glee and curled her lip and said, "where did you get THAT?" with as much detest in her voice as she could muster. I didn't create another new ornament for over 6 months. I let her have the power.

Not much has changed for me now, 10 years later. I should not be seeking approval at this point in my craft but I still do it. It's the approval I never felt I got from my mother. I seek it elsewhere because I never felt that anything I did was good enough for her and there are times when I STILL feel that way. It was a B could have been an A. It was the perception I had and not even always the reality. I don't like being treated like I am different. I do and don't want to be "normal", whatever that is. I guess I don't mind being different but I don't want the differences to be the focus of things. I like them to be part of the bigger picture. Like I bead this way and it's the end result that is the focus of things. The biggest difference this time is that I am not letting it stop me from creating. I have grown a little.