This Week Was...

I'm going to try to write here at least once a week. This week was quiet but nice. I ordered beads. I finished my earrings and have been wearing them all over town. This weekend is the gem show. It's interesting how my opinion of this particular show has changed since I first attended 4 years ago. I thought it small and very pompously dismissed it. As the time passed, it is the only bead type show we get here. And though I get to at least 3 real bead shows a year, it's different when it's close and you get to go from home and not working at a booth does change the dynamic.

Now I go to see the people and pets that are there. I take Smokey and it's a very positive social outing for him. He gets to see other dogs which is good for him. I get to see other bead and jewelry addicts. Sometimes I see friends that I have not seen sometimes since the last show.

I have a huge re-organize planned for my beads and I just hope the schedule goes as planned. I'm not gonna tempt fate by crossing my fingers or toes.

I have been doing things that help me heal as a human being. I went into a bead shop who's owner owes me for a class of mine that she took. I had not walked into that shop for 3 years and it was good to go in and look around. I felt a huge weight lifted off of me after that. It was a very good thing. I have not been overly productive in my beading this week but I have been doing things that are bead related.

I hope the next week is very beady productive. I have 3 pair of earrings on the to do list. 2 necklaces and then the spiral swap pieces.

What a Beadiful day I had yesterday!!!

And it was very beady!

A friend told me that there was a trunk show in Sacramento - 2 1/2 hours drive from where we live. She said she would drive if I would go with her!

So of course I said I would love to go with her! LOL

What a day we had! I already knew a cool bead shop in Sacramento - U BEAD IT - Yvonne Rivero's shop - she is the author with the bracelet books and one ornament book. I took the 2 bracelet books I already have and bought the 3rd one. Next time I will get the ornament one! LOL

She has the most awesome bead store!!! The nicest employees and a selection of beads that knocks you over when you go in and see them all!

I have been wanting to make this cool knock off pair of earrings. I saw a pair another person designed and I liked them but she used delicas and her fringes were even and I wanted mine tapered - so I got the needed materials and I made one myself!

here is the pic.

http://members.aol.com/pjwelborn/CordDangleEarsAlaPamy.jpg

I finished it in the car on the way to the bead show!
All I have to do is make the match and I can start wearing them! LOL

We hit Sacramento in the morning and I knew a cool bread place - so we had muffins and coffee.

We headed to the bead shop because it opened at 10 and the show didn't open till 12. We filled our trays there and decided to have them hold it all so we could get whatever the show didn't have for us after the show and add it to our orders - I buy wholesale and they have a minimum amount to get the discount - so I didn't want to have to make it 2 times in one day!

So we left there and headed to the truck show. Tables and tables of stone beads!!!! Pearls!!!! baggies of Swarovski!!! Chinese Crystal! baggies of Findings!!!! It was a huge display.

Then back to the bead shop where we filled in where the bead show left off!

Dinner at Cheesecake Factory and back home!

I was so tired I nearly don't remember anything I did after I got home. Head on pillow and had lots of beady dreams!

May all your beady dreams come true!

Pamy

Rumpelstiltskin ants

I have a fantasy I would like to share...



not that kind of fantasy!



a Beady one...



It started when the annual finder ants started coming in to look for goodness knows what!

They come in - one ant at a time or 3 ants at a time but seldom do they even get near food, they are in the bedroom and the bathroom and the closet... So in my little fantasy, these ants come in and do nothing, so I want to give them something to do. So in the spirit of the fairy tale Rumpelstiltskin, I would leave out all the beads and supplies for a project, the directions and all and in the morning the piece would be beaded up magically by these Rumpelstiltskin ants!

I know... It's a pipe dream but it's my pipe dream!

lol

and I thought you might get a giggle out of it too.

Keep your Friends Close...

And your Enemies Closer.

And that has been my policy for some time but this new outlook I have makes it even easier to do.

Makes them wonder what you have been up to when you walk through a parking lot whistling...

Makes them wonder what you know when they see you with the slight grin on your face...

So that is my theory for today

Keep them guessing!

And I keep my bucket empty.

I'm just here for the beads

I'm just here for the beads

I don't want the complications of all the politics

I am not here to win a popularity contest

If you don't like me - fine

If you do like me - GREAT

But I'm still just here for the beads

Calm Month of May

That is all I want - a calm month. I want to fill it with beading and creativity. I'm going to get caught up on the beading I need to get done. I'm going to get the designing I have in my head out of my head. I am reading a book about the Power of Nice and I think all people who enter the business world should read this book before they open up a business.

Nice gets you more the books says and it's right. Were we all not told as children "if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all"? Didn't Thumper's mom tell him that in the beginning of Bambi? Didn't most of us see that movie as children? or as Adults? Why can't we all just be pleasant and get along?

Which would you rather deal with? Someone who is working very hard trying to explain away their faults? Or someone who says - Gee, I'm sorry I did that and I will try to do better in the future. I have come to realize that it's much simpler to just own up than it is to find excuses to explain bad behavior. If you can't find anything else to do than talk about other people, then you really need to examine your own life and find what is missing from it.

I always tell my students that I bead for HAPPY. I set my beads up a certain way when I bead. I use certain threads and certain needles. I use certain beads. I don't wax my thread. All these things make beading happy for me. It does not mean that everyone needs to bead the way I do. It means that we can all do different things to get to the same type of outcome. I learned from a my way or the highway teacher. You did it her way or you got ignored. I so work hard not to be that way when I teach classes. In fact I'm often fascinated when other beaders can bead from mixed beads! Jealous even. I'm also fascinated when I see beaders use different things than I do. I learn things by observing the ways other beaders get to the end result.

We all share a love of beads. Why the heck can't we all just get along and share the creativity with the rest of the world?

The cattiness and negativity just suck the creativity out of all of us.

It's time to move forward and in a postive direction.

Busy Busy Busy

As it seems to happen in recent years, the first part of my year this year is VERY busy. I worked Tucson, went to Nebraska and now just finished bead show in Oakland and had a blast!

The trip to Nebraska was an absolute BLAST! I had a better time than I could have ever imagined. The whole thing was just one fun thing after the next. Made the little work setting up and breaking down so easy to put in the back and only think about the fun parts.

What a difference the Oakland show was. It was HUGE! Lots of networking! Lots of appreciating the beautiful work I saw all over the place. Lots of beaders to talk to!

I met several people in the last 4 months that I have known or known of on the net for a long time. Most of them have been so nice to meet. Some are nicer in person than they are to me on the net and some are the opposite. One, I'm quite certain didn't know who I was. Must be the red hair! LOL Oh well. I have accepted that I can't like everyone and I can't expect to be liked by everyone.

Family can be so overrated... and I think I'm going to take a break from some of the family obligations I have taken on in the last couple years. It's time for someone else's shoulders to be carrying this load for a while. The expectations are not expressed in a polite manner and I don't wanna be the kicking post anymore. I have lots of work to get done on my patterns, so I'm going to spend lots of time getting that all moving forward for me.

One Step Closer...

Wow…

It's so surprising that a laptop computer could represent so much to me…

But it does!

I won a Mac laptop – for cheap on Ebay – and now I can design my bead patterns more comfortably. It’s like the birds are singing – the flowers are blooming… wait! They are! We are experiencing a false spring. It's nice but I know it won’t last.

The happy feeling will last though J I hope. 9 days and I will be away and even happier for 2 whole weeks. In a place where calm is the way it happens. I hope I can acclimate faster this year. I want to get the most out of the trip.

Out of the funk

When you admit that someone did something that popped you into a bad place for 3 weeks, are you giving him or her power? Or are you taking the power back? I think it's the latter. I got into the funk by doing something helpful for a friend and it turned out not to have been so helpful but the way I was made aware of it was in a manner that shows extreme bad behavior and was meant to humiliate me and beat me down. All that needed to be said was – you didn't do the work I thought you would do, so we won't be having you do it anymore. It’s simple and anyone who knows how to deal with people would know that. The dressing down was done in front of others in a further attempt to humiliate me but only ended up making this person look just awful. It was also asked of me that I was a still friend… How can you stay friends with a person you no longer trust? I of course in order to have the talking stop, gave an affirmative answer. So I pretty much think that any friendship left with this person to be a lie, whether he or she knows it or not.

On a happier note, I have had the nicest weekend and now am trudging out of the funk to start creating again. I am stealing the happiness I got this weekend to make other parts of my life happier. I am sure the person responsible for the happiness would approve. Of course he would because he loves me. I am gathering other happinesses from contacts with other people who do what I do. Other people, who love beads and happen to make some money back from that love. I have come to realize that the way I do "it" is not the same for everyone. I love beading and my creativity comes from inside me. I dream things that end up becoming reality in beads. If tomorrow everyone stopped buying patterns and kits, I would still bead. I bead because I love it and that I can sell things to make some money back is a good thing. It does not mean that everything I make is something I want to see mass produced by the beading public at large. There are pieces of mine that I wear on a regular basis and I will not part with them even for short periods of time. I recently decided to retire a couple kits and I can't wait to get those samples back because I really miss them. I miss wearing them. I miss being able to hold them and look at them. It's all a joke really – I couldn’t have created things that anyone else would want… could I? Well I apparently do but it’s still all a miracle to me every time I complete something like that. That I am friendly with people who are far more creative than I am at times helps the whole picture happen. If I’m down or confused, I have a small list of people that can help me get on track again. Even give me a swift kick in the butt when needed.

So fake friends or friends who loose it and make me the target, I don't need but I have real friends in my life and they are more than enough for me!

Tucson '07

Well Tucson 07 was a BLAST!
I got to see my sweetie when I got there and it made the awful 2nd day bearable.
I got to see people I haven't seen in ages!
I met a few people I had known on line for eons and we liked each other in person too!
I worked the bead show and loved the people I met!
I got to stay with a friend, so I could completely unwind after the show each day.
I was enslaved to a kitty who isn't generally friendly to strangers!
I got to see lots of lovely beadwork walking passed me each day!
This trip was a total success!!!
Its going to be a VERY beady year!!!

Turning 40...

I turned 40 last month and the beads turned on me! All of the sudden they are not as clear in my glasses as they have always been!!! What's up with that???? Now I have a cute pair of 1/2 glasses to make the beads clearer for me. I had always been told that it would happen at 40 but did it have to be so automatically?

I have lots of beady things on my horizon. I'm going to Tucson to work at the bead shows!!! YAY!!! If you are there this year - pop into the Bead Ren show - I will be at the San Francisco Arts & Crafts booth, surrounded by lots of Czech glass beads!

I also hope to go to Nebraska in the spring. If I get there, it will be my 3rd time and I just can't wait!

Turning 40 has other effect on me too. It seems like people listen to me a little better now. Though I have chosen not to have children, turning 40 sort of cements that decision for me. I do like to borrow them though.

Gotta go play with the beads now... :-)

Getting better

I can't believe it's been so long since I have been here.

Life had been so filled with ups and downs that I just don’t know where I am at right now. First tonsil surgery and it's many complications one that is still here where I cannot always pronounce all my words correctly and I'm starting to be self conscious about it. And now I have put a pinpoint on the headaches I am having. My creativity has been effected by the stuff happening medically and I'm trying to get out of this hole. Getting better has so many facets to it's definition.

I did get a really cool Japanese bead book and have visions of crystals dancing in my head because of that, so there is hope.

I hosted my first swap in many years and I feel it was very successful, so much so that I'm hosting another one! So I have 10 pair of earrings to make myself for the swap. I need to order kit beads when I get home, so I am looking forward to that. Beady things are looking up.I was a little down when I last wrote here but those things have been picking up there too. I patched up a few bad relationships in my life and feel richer for it.

I did design a cool new netted earring, so I have that to look forward too.

Life is just too short:

To sweat the whiners

To placate the people who want their butts wiped for them

To miss enjoying the simple things

To allow the insignificant things to get me down

To baby the babies

To stress over a speck of dust

To stress over a hair out of place

Enjoy the simple things - a lingering look from the man you love - the smile of a child - the sun on your face - a slow, passionate kiss - holding hands - playing your favorite song one more time

Take the time because you never know what tomorrow will bring

Vive la difference!

I think I have the total trigger to my hurt feelings.

It's when my unique qualities are not only not embraced but shunned. It's when the things I do uniquely at looked upon as the trash in the receptacle.

I have never been shy that I do some things in my beading in my own way. I try not to push my way on people. I might show them what I do, explain my I like it that way but I don't ever expect them to change their own ways.

And I am faced at this time with a dislike for the way I do things and I simply am not equipped to handle it. I embrace differences whenever I can in others.

Even when they are foreign to me, I embrace the fact, that while sharing the same love of beads, many of us have things we do to get to a similar end that is extremely different. I find it fascinating! I try to learn from it instead of digging my heels in.

I could sit with a beader who mixes all the beads in a pile on their pallet and have my neat triangle trays out and bead just fine. I couldn't trade places and bead just fine from her pallet and maybe she could not bead from mine. As long as neither of us forces the other to do that, we should be peachy. Not that I would generally even pay much attention to the way they set theirs up, but neither way is wrong, just different. I use wax to assist me in threading the needle some of the time, seldom coating the entire thread with wax, as I don't care for the feel of the thread coated. I am a tactile beader - it's all about the feel for me. Another beader can coat their thread with wax and be just thrilled with the feel of the thread. We wouldn't want to trade places but we could sit and bead just fine with our own preferred wax usage. I have needle and thread preferences. So? I feel like I'm under a microscope and I don't understand why it is like that now.

I think what has me upset is the feeling that what I do that is different is looked upon as wrong. It might be wrong for one person but it's a bunch of right with me. It brings me back to when I created my first beaded ornament and the beading mentor I had at the time looked at it as I showed it off to her with glee and curled her lip and said, "where did you get THAT?" with as much detest in her voice as she could muster. I didn't create another new ornament for over 6 months. I let her have the power.

Not much has changed for me now, 10 years later. I should not be seeking approval at this point in my craft but I still do it. It's the approval I never felt I got from my mother. I seek it elsewhere because I never felt that anything I did was good enough for her and there are times when I STILL feel that way. It was a B could have been an A. It was the perception I had and not even always the reality. I don't like being treated like I am different. I do and don't want to be "normal", whatever that is. I guess I don't mind being different but I don't want the differences to be the focus of things. I like them to be part of the bigger picture. Like I bead this way and it's the end result that is the focus of things. The biggest difference this time is that I am not letting it stop me from creating. I have grown a little.

Beads are flowing in my thoughts these days!

Beads are just flowing for me!!!

I have not been this prolific in my beading since I first started. It's like I had my beading excitement re-charged. I have so many designed in my head right now, that I can't bead fast enough to get them done!

I beaded for hours in the last few weeks and all the feedback I have gotten has been very positive. It's very nice to be able to spend my time with things that I really love doing.

I also love to have beady people around to share things with. It's as much fun seeing what they are doing as it is making the things I design. I'm headed to Nebraska for a beady trip and I can't wait for the beady inspirations I will have while I am there.

Getting away refreshes me and renews my energy for beading. This burst of creating new things is so much fun for me right now. It really started with my trip last year but changes in things at home have helped that bud that was started a year ago become a huge blossom. I have more ideas right now than I have time to bead them up and I have lots of beading time right now. I am working in colors that are out of my comfort zone these days too.

Back to the beads now!

Creativity

Creativity...

***I dedicate this to all the people who care about me and really do mean well...

I know how it happens for me, but almost every time I talk to most people about it, I end up feeling like a freak.

Ok, maybe I am a freak. I mean my beading comes from a place inside me that even I don't completely understand. I have had beads in my life as long as I can remember. My Nana had them and passed on her addiction to me.

I dream many of my designs. I guess that makes me weird. I tell people and then that makes me feel stupid... it's like I'm trying to share my soul and instead when I'm done, I feel like a freak.

Ya see it's like this...

I have the dream. It is generally pretty vivid when I wake up. IF I remember it, I remember it very clearly. I then attempt to make what I dreamed come to life, usually after making a little sketch in a book. So it comes from inside me. Then I talk to people, and many of them try to steer me in directions that just aren't in me. My beading is very much a part of who I am. In the colors - the choice of beads - the pieces I make and the pieces I wear are a direct reflection on me. I have never liked making things I didn't find appealing... One friend occasionally doesn't understand this and suggests things that will bring in money for me. But it's not about the money. Another friend tries to steer me in other directions in my work when I make affirmative statements about how the design is going to be done. It's when didn't ASK for them, and yet the offers for ideas come. Still another tries to get me to work in colors I don't care for. My mother seldom understands what I make or why I make the choices I make when I create. What none of them seems to realize is that it's all done in my head and until it gets completed - that piece won't leave my head. It's my design after all. I guess I would not be a good team player in a design group of any kind. I get tunnel vision. I have a goal in my head and I move forward toward it.

I do have people that help the beading flow. Sometimes they are the very same people I just mentioned. All are well meaning. All are great friends of mine and all only mean to give me ideas that I can build on. But it's inside me. Nothing anyone says will really affect the end result IF I'm clear in my head what I plan to make. These are the same people I can talk to when I'm stuck with a design. They can be the ones who help me get something to work that isn't. So maybe that is the confusion - they have become accustomed to me talking about things and needing input, so that when I don't want any - I am not clear in my communications... But then I had a situation where I was sent blown glass bubbles - and told that I should make hot air balloons from them and it was almost instant - the right inspiration at the right time, and I had it done in less than 24 hours. It has a lot to do with the timing too... See - typing out my feelings here isn't such a bad thing. Maybe I need to be more vocal that I have an idea in my head and I'm meaning to get it out exactly as I have envisioned... maybe that is it.

It comes out sounding very Zen and maybe it is... I mean I bead what I feel. I can't produce beading like an assembly line. I can make pieces in colors I don't like but I have to like the design first.

When I first started beading, I had a "wanna be just like you" roommate who started beading too. She was pretty good at the mechanics of it but she didn't really do much designing. She had a customer who wanted her to make a pair of earrings that by her own description, she HATED. So she spent 4 or more hours working on a pair of earrings that even she disliked when done. She then put them on a card with her name on it and sold them. When we talked about it, I told her that I would not have taken the order. Even back then, I had a feeling for beading like I never had for any other "craft" I had ever tried. I wouldn't spend my time making things just because someone was willing to pay me for them. I told her I would feel like I was prostituting myself if I made things just because there was money involved. She claimed I called her a whore. I tried to get her to look up the definition of prostitute... but she wouldn't.

The definition according to dictionary.com is:

pros ti tute n.
1. One who solicits and accepts payment for sex acts.
2. One who sells one's abilities, talent, or name for an unworthy purpose

I referred to the 2nd one for me. I didn't say she was to feel that way - I made a statement of how I would feel in the same situation. I simply would not have taken the order.

It's never been about the money. I'm not independently wealthy or anything but I simply can't get motivated to bead something I don't like. It becomes a chore when I make a piece I don't like. It's art for me. I'm not claiming to be an ahhhhhtist or anything. It's just an expression of me and I want things that reflect on me to be things that I like. It's a skill I feel comfortable with. I live beads! Right now I'm in a very fluid, flowing state of mind right. I'm trying to keep that going and get the things in my head beaded while I still am in the mood to do it. I could wake up tomorrow and be in a total beader's block. I have had it happen before. Beading great for a long time and wake up in the morning and I just can't get a bead to lay right or I make more mistakes than are worth bothering with - my thread is getting chewed up from frogging so much. So I move on to something else or even worse! Nothing else!

I guess what is happening is that things are flowing so well right now, that I don't want any suggestions to make it stop! I wake up and can't wait to bead right now. It's pretty amazing actually. I am in a zone and I want to do as much as I can to keep it going!

I feel that if I put my name on a piece whether it be a kit or a pattern or a finished piece, it's got to be something I find appealing in some way. It's that simple. I will not put a product out with my name on it that I don't like. And no matter how many well meaning people try to get me to do otherwise, I don't think that will ever change. It's about creativity for me. It's my ability to create and right now, I do that with beads. It's from inside me and it won't be changed for the all mighty dollar. It's the definition for create that is: To produce through artistic or imaginative effort. It's my effort and it has to be what I like. When it becomes a chore, I will quit beading.

Wow....

I just had a wow moment... in an otherwise uneventful day.

sort of surfing around today - cleaning out my Kim Kommando newsletters in my INBOX

I got a site of the day for http://www.caedes.net/

Cool wallpaper site. First on I put was fireworks.... I guess I should explain the way I like wallapaper. Generally something cool in the middle and lots of darkness framing the outside edges. I keep the middle clean and all the shortcuts are all around the center. I'm wierd. I know it - no biggie.

So I put fireworks up - I love fireworks but this particular picture is veyr much on the red side - the warm colors. So I look at it but am not thrilled, like I should have been. I keep looking and then I see a rosette nebula... blues and purples.... veyr appealing. I get it and the second I put it on the desktop I crack an automatic smile.

It's all about the comfort zone in life isn't it?

What makes you comfy, makes you happy.

ahhhhhhhhhhhh :-D

and I guess that's a wow for me right now.

Super Bowl Sunday

spent watching chick flick with SO, no football at all... Since I don't like sports, it's pretty important that he not be very into them either. Life is good sometimes!

I have several beady projects to work on when he goes to keep from thinking about him not being here.

Lots of beady things in my future.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday to all who don't play second fiiddle to sports.

Rejuvinated!!!!

New Year Rejuvenation!

It's a brand new year and I feel absolutely rejuvenated!

I have DSL and I feel like I am finally re-connected to the beading community like I was until about 2 ½ years ago. Trip I had planned to take got canceled and I decided to make it my time for revitalizing my beading! I have designing running through my head and I have started to bead them up. I designed a new ladybug earring and it came out really cute on the 2nd try! I have a love for netting and the Olaf books have a certain style all their own when it comes to netting in flat circles. There is nothing like it and I have come up with more designs in that style lately than anything else.

I can now get away into a fairly distraction free environment that fits my comfort zone and design to my hearts content, read e-mail and chat with my beady friends all at the same time! It is just a comfort level for me. I have almost always beaded that way. I thought it was a little ADD but someone else suggested it is just multi tasking. I can't seem to get into that groove of beading/designing without a bunch of things happening at once. I do them all and I bead.


I had some issues with a couple of my friends and they are ironing themselves out a little at a time. It's hard to tell someone how much you miss their friendship when you never have the opportunity to talk to them anymore. Then when you do - you don't miss it, so it doesn't come up that you just have a real yearning for that friendship. I have many friends on the Internet but there are a few especially close friends that I feel I am missing something if I have not had contact with them. With one person, it got to the point that I had to ask others if she was ok because I just had no way to find out any other way!

The pieces of my life are starting to fall back into place and I'm thrilled! It's going to bead a very beady year!

More end of the year babbling...

I don't understand people who insist on controlling a friendship. I mean isn't it supposed to be a two way street? Dictionary.com says that it's:
friendship n.
1. The quality or condition of being friends.
2. A friendly relationship: formed many new friendships over the summer.
3. Friendliness; good will: a policy of friendship toward other nations.
But I have known people who don't let it go both ways. They either take from me and give nothing or they run the whole thing. They choose when and how you can communicate with them. If they are not in the mood, then you have no choice but to sit in silence. They are the only one who can be a strong, confident person.
This year I will not let the bullies get to me either. You know the ones - fake sweet to you one minute and then using their power against you the next? Never know when they will turn on you? Bosses, relatives and friends, I have one in each category and it sure sucks when they pull that crap. They later apologize but who are they fooling? If I walked up to you and kicked you in the leg - said I was sorry and did the same thing every day for a week - how long would you think my apologies were sincere? Just because you are someone's boss, doesn't mean you get to treat people like they are nothing. Just because you are a friend or a relative doesn't mean you can kick the ones closest to you and get away with it, time and time again. Treat others the way you want to be treated.

I do have a few very close friends who are there for me no matter what. And that I am very thankful. It's been a long year and I am hoping for lots of good friendship in 2006.