Saturday, February 09, 2008

trying to help?

Why is it that when you tell someone something, they try to help you into another direction?

Or an affirmative statement becomes a debate? It seems to happen to me occasionally, usually with people who don't realize I am a tunnel vision person. By the time I actually express and idea I generally have my mind made up and it's very frustrating when they won't let their cool idea go. Like if I picked beads out for a project or had the stitch in my head that I plan to use to get to the picture I have already created in my head, they try to steer me in another direction. They are only trying to help but still.

I can't give a for instance because the person(s) involved would get their feelings hurt when that certainly would not be my intention. There would be oodles less debate in my life if people would just let me stick with what I already stated in generally a very affirmative manner was my goal. If I want to use a product that you don't like, that is fine. I most likely don't like something you use and that is ok too. I guess we are all guilty of it at one time of another, but hey if we tried to just let people stick with their visions, and it turned out to be wrong, it was their wrong turn to make. It's usually not life or death - all will be right with the world again whether they crash and burn or flourish in most cases. How do you tell a friend though that the suggestions he or she makes could be more frustrating than helpful. Like if you tell someone you are in the middle of a thought and they still keep talking/suggesting? Ya don't want it to ruin a fantastic relationship otherwise but still, it sort of hinders the flow of things huh?

Another issue is when you make a statement of fact and they discount it... right on the spot. For instance, I know that the light will turn red after it turns yellow, and you say - maybe... or just a general fact - something from the news - something from anywhere - a general statement of fact - bold as can be - and generally things I can back up, will often be met with for lack of a better word skepticism. If I make a statement of fact, I don't generally want input one way or the other from the person I am talking to.

We all have our own preferences. Some beaders are catalog beaders. I am so not a catalog beader. I buy beads in person unless there is virtually no way to screw up getting more of something I already have... I am a see bead buyer. Mishaps in buying things on line have made me not really interested in buying on like much at all. I have friends who buy all their beads online. I have another friend who gets fantastic buys on ebay. Clothes and all sorts of goodies. It all looks great to me when she shows me but it's just not a bridge I choose to jump off of. Still another friend loves craigs list. I am not a craigs lister as far as purchasing things from strangers. There are too many weirdo's out there, and I'm a little paranoid. It's still my choice and no amount of huffing and puffing from anyone is really going to change my mind at that moment and that is ok too. Make a suggestion sometime but if it's met with a brick wall, let them have that brick wall if they want to. It's their wall anyway isn't it? They can always change their mind and follow your advise later. I know I did when I got the new laptop. Several very nice well meaning people told me to try the newspaper or craigs list or get a dell. I wanted a Toshiba. I did get a dell, so I did change my mind. It's not all bad but I get to change my mind in my own schedule, and you do too.

I adore the people in my life but at 41, I would hope that I had gotten to an age where I get to make my own mistakes if I choose to. Other people's personal experiences can be educational, but not always mesh with the pre plotted plan I have already in my minds eye. Give people a break. Let them do things their way. If it's not something life threatening, they might have a good idea afterall.

And just because I seem annoyed with the debate over something I just stated was affirmatively in my brain, it does not mean I'm angry. Just because I stick to the rules and have to correct others on my list for not doing so, also does not make me angry. I likes it the way I likes it. Live with it! LOL

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